grown growing gone.

This past year has been a year of growth. Human growth, physical growth, mental growth. Lots of growing pains. I'm still growing. I'm still learning. I feel like I'm finally figuring "it" out.

I've been in Philly for a year. I moved here August of last year, but I had been coming up throughout the entire month of June and July before actually moving here. It took me a year to ride a bike here. I don't know why I was so scared? It's immensely flat and fun. Scary sometimes, but exhilarating. I also didn't want to buy another bike if I wasn't staying and since I made the commitment to stay another year, I had no excuse. Darah had left her bike here and told us to keep it, ride it, sell it, do whatever, etc. After realizing it's perfectly functional, we adjusted the seat and Asher took me on my first official ride on Sunday of this week. (I did ride the bike once to Dock Street, but I don't really count that. ha) It's hybrid and I totally feel like a dork because everyone rides fixies and single speeds, but that's not entirely true. There are tons of hybrids, cruisers, road bikes, mountain bikes, commuter bikes, etc. So I guess it's all good. As long as it has two wheels, you're part of this massive community of bikers. I finally feel like I live in Philly. The bike is part of the life here. You gotta ride one to know what I'm saying.

Anyway, back to my growth. My Ashtanga Practice has grown immensely since starting a mysore practice back in October at Yoga Squared. Mysore practice is another commitment that is incredibly intense. I love it and sometimes I hate it, but mostly I love it the most. I still practice vinyasa with Jill-ji and some other's around the Philly area. Mysore practice was another fear of mine. I was like, "I can't do that, I can't wait up everyday at 5:45 to do yoga, I can't do yoga everyday, I don't have that shit memorized, etc etc etc." After wading through all that mental bullshit, I just jumped in and found some of my most inspirational teachers. (David Keil, Jill Manning, Karen Harmelin Tropea). I'm glad I have this practice. I'm learning the ebbs and flows of a daily practice. Sometimes I don't go. Sometimes I rest. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I'm sore. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes happy. It's all part of it. It hasn't even been a year of mysore practice and I know that in another 6 months, it will all change again.

I've learned this year to love myself. To really love myself. To let my curls go crazy. To paint my toenails hooker red and be ok with it. To wear tube socks in summer and leg warmers in winter. I'm learning that love is what you need. Loving yourself really allows you to love others. Not just in a relationship, but friends, bosses, babies, everyone needs love. It's true. But you need to really be ok with yourself before anyone else can truly receive you.

I've learned to stick to my guns and not compromise my beliefs. I've learned that you can stand up for yourself and people will ultimately respect that even if they don't agree.

I feel like I'm finally growing up. It feels good. I'm glad I'm staying here for another year. I had talked about going back to California or living in a van, both are fun, both may happen in the future, but for now I'm staying put. This year has been a year of learning and this next year I hope to really enjoy my time here. To let myself have fun as much as possible, but to ultimately keep growing and learning always.

Life is good.

love at first bike.

my bike is the hybrid on the right. trek 820. it was darah's. she left it here and said i could keep it. it works well. asher's is on the left. specialized langster with some upgrades. my apartment is clean, thanks asher. :)

for quinn!!!!!

i couldn't get a good frontal view of this garage because there was something blocking it... but here are some cool shots! the descriptions of the parts are in lots of languages. can you identify which language is which??? hmmmmmmm. sending love to bk from philly. 

bikes and chocolate.

This morning while walking Sage I heard a crumple. It sounded like a tin can being crushed by an eleven-old at summer camp on a Saturday, but in reality it was a dude on a bike being hit by a car. Or a car being hit by a dude on a bike. I didn't see it, just heard it. It made me want to run over and say, "hey dude on a bike that got hit by a car or vice-versa, are you ok?" He was fine. Stood up and asked the car dudes if they were ok and then went on his merry little way. Philly is notorious for bike-car aggression. People on bikes yell at people in cars and will hit people's cars with their hands while passing by. People in cars yell at people on bikes and hit them maybe by accident, but sometimes on purpose. This makes me fear riding a bike. Luckily, I don't even have a bike to ride. Asher just landed a job as a bicycle delivery dude and I'm pretty sure he has to wear a helmet, which makes me happy because if he lost his brains, I don't know if we could be lovers anymore. :)  ha. Not funny, but whatever. 

So, I was in Washington Square Park with my charge and we watched mother's work out with babies and homeless men sleep comfortably on benches. (The homeless dudes actually made me slightly envious, they get to hang out all day and just chill in the park! They also get a ton of free leftovers and can people watch for days on end.) I've been watching the dog walking folk lately. Trying to figure out who is a dog owner versus who is a paid dog walker. I can sometimes tell who is a dog walker by what they are wearing. Normally, they have a bunch of keys hanging from their pants and they wear their ipod like a cop wears a gun. Saw a cute girl twice today, walking two different dogs. I knew she was a dog walker before I saw her with the second dog due to her ipod/key apparel.

Chocolate: Been craving it. I come home every day wanting it. Been resisting it. Last night Asher and I got hot fudge sundaes from the 24 hour McDonald's on 40th and Walnut. Still didn't satisfy the chocolate cravings. Wanted chocolate today. Almost bought some, but instead got tea and fruit leather. It's hard to resist. I think I might cave one day... Ah!