I keep having these mind blowing thoughts in my mind about life and why we are here on this earth.
Sometimes, I'm at peace knowing that we are born, we live, we die. We eat, sleep, drink, poop, talk, hang, read, work, play, etc. We love, we hate, we fight, we marry, we divorce, we reproduce.
Sometimes, I'm baffled by the whole experience of being a human being.
Sometimes, I just don't get why we are "here." What is the real purpose of our lives? Is it to be successful at our careers? Is it to get married and have children then grandchildren, etc? Is it to have fun? Is it to make a difference? Is it to change the world?
Today, I cried. I went upstairs to my room. Looked at all the "things" I have, (which i keep getting rid of slowly, a few books or clothes or whatever, at a time.) I see no purpose to all these "things." My things don't help the world, they barely help me.
I want to live simply. To simply live. To smile at people. To help people. To love people. To do good unto others. To make a difference. To not consume, consume, consume. To recycle. To be free.
I'm making major life changes. It's scary, but I like it.
My college friend, Val, has a blog called Ok in the Meantime. She writes about food and travels and life. (Very similar to This Philly Life, there are pictures and lists and stories, etc.) I recently came across some of her posts called 10 things that make me happy.So, I'm borrowing her idea..
10 things that make me happy right now:
1) My yoga practice. Even though it's most Vinyasa right now, due to teacher training, which is officially over on May 7th... I'm happy that I have yoga in my life. I have been going to Ashtanga Led Primary classes on Sunday... excited to get back to Mysore practice. Soon, soon.
2) My Hammock. I got it in the mail on Friday. It was a fabulous way to end the week. I practiced 5 days with Jill and then swayed in my new hammock. It's so easy to put up. Just have to find the right trees.
3) Waiting Tables Job. I'm soooo soooo soooo f-ing happy to be waiting tables instead of nannying. My life is infinity better. I have so much free time and I'm seriously loving life. I never knew how good life was. Nannying had been clouding my vision of reality for a very long time. I feel so free. It's been a solid month now and I know i made the best decision leaving the nanny biz.
4) My friends who send me postcards (Chelsea and Iris). I love love love getting hand written letters. We live in an age where most things are electronic. So when I get the postcards from my friends, I'm so happy. I have many saved up. I might make a book of them one day. (Ps, I need to get some stamps! just reminding myself..)
5) My bike. I love having an alternative way of getting around the city. I no longer rely on public transit or my car. I do use the car for groceries and stuff like that, but I love hopping on the bike and getting around town in the most efficient manner.
6) Coffee Addiction. I love my coffee. Right now, it's a force in my life. I'm glad it exists.
7) My pups and ferret. Not much to say, except that I love kissing them and cuddling them. They give endless love.
8) The tulip sitting on my kitchen table. I love seeing it's colors. It's yellow and reddish.
9) Finally finished with all the episodes of L-word. The show was ridiculous.. It was sometimes fun.. sometimes crazy. Asher and I got to watch it together and spend time together which was nice, but I'm honestly glad it's over. Too much L-word in too little time.
10) The park by my house. I love being able to walk the dogs there everyday. There are swings and trees and flowers and gardens. It's so beautiful. Nice to have so close by.
What are 10 things that make you happy right now? I will try and do this once a week or so.. Love to you all.
I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to practice with my teacher and dear friend, Jill Manning, this past week at WakeUp Yoga.
So this is how it went: 5 days of practice, 6-8am everyday. Chanting to begin, then asana practice.
The week long workshop was called: Every seed has the tree, every tree has the seed.
There are many, many seeds that have been planted in my mind. It's hard for me to even articulate what I want to say here in this here blog. I just want to say that I have so much "homework" that I'll be working on for a while.
Lots of working on 'floating' to stand. dropbacks. pasasana prep squats. etc.
I am always amazed with how Jillji makes yoga fun and informative. It's chocked full of asana, with very precise breath cues and funny anecdotes, such as "juicy sexy" (you had to be there. ha.)
I hope there's an opportunity to do a week long practice with Jill again soon. She really shatki-fied the space. Much love. Keep it juicy.sexy.
All at once, The world can't overwhelm me There's almost nothin' that you could tell me That could ease my mind
Which way will you run When it's always all around you And the feelin' lost and found you again A feelin' that we have no control Around a song Some say There's gonna be the new hell Some say It's still too early to tell Some say It really ain't no myth at all
Keep askin' ourselves are we really Strong enough There's so many things that we got Too proud of We're too proud of We're too proud of
I wanna take the preconceived Out from underneath your feet We could shake it off Instead we'll plant some seeds We'll watch em' as they grow And with each new beat From your heart the roots grow deeper The branches will they reach for what Nobody really knows But underneath it all Theres this heart all alone
What about is gone And it really won't be so long Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all
Theres a world we've never seen Theres still hope between the dreams The weight of it all Could blow away with a breeze If your waitin on the wind Don't forget to breathe Cause as the darkness gets deeper We'll be sinkin as we reach for love At least somethin we could hold But i'll reach to you from where time just cant go
What about is gone And it really wont be so long Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all
(my new vase + my first ever Iris. on our clean kitchen table... ahh serenity.)
Back in september, during my trip to Providence, while Jill-ji was teaching a morning yoga class, I lounged with Ang and Char (the pups) and read most of the book: Spontaneous Healing by Andrew Weil. I was fascinated by his stories on human beings who healed themselves through natural remedies and the power of the mind. Anyway, this blog is not about Spontaneous Healing(SH), although I highly recommend reading it.. It's about his follow up book 8 weeks to Optimum Health. In the back of SH, there's a mini-summary of 8 weeks. I started to take notes for week one/two, but decided I would go out and buy the book instead of trying to write everything down in my journal. Anyway, I haven't bought the book yet.. but my notes on Week One/Two (of Eight Weeks) has some suggestions for lifestyle changes, etc. For mental health, Weil suggests to buy some flowers to keep in your home where you can enjoy them. I thought about this for a long, long time. I had plants for a while (mostly Jade) and they all died over the winter. So I decided for mental health, I would start to either buy myself a weekly flower or find some trees with flowers and put them in my new vase that I bought recently at the local floral shop (Beautiful Blooms in No.Libs.)
Some other suggestions that I enjoy: Walk 10 minutes a day for 5 days this week. Practice breath observation. Eat fish at least once a week. Buy Japanese green tea, substitute it for coffee (I drink green tea and coffee..). Visit a park/nature. Spend as much time as possible doing nothing in particular. Eat fresh broccoli.
I'm definitely going to buy 8 weeks to Optimum Health. I don't think that every suggestion is right for me, but some are.. so that's where I begin.
When I was a full-time nanny, I used to read this book EVERYDAY with my little dude. Now, I have my days free and I keep asking myself, What do people do all day?
So far for me: I do yoga, drink coffee, eat some food, play on my lap top, walk the dogs, shower, clean up around the house. Some days, I work in the evenings, sometimes I'm free.
I have so much free time on my hands right now. It's insane! I love it. Trying to figure out fun things to do. I'm going to probably start venturing out on my bike and riding around town. This weather is sooooo beautiful!!
I often like to think about the things I would take with me if I had to suddenly pack up my car and hit the road.. leaving everything else behind.
So far on my list so far:
My favorite dresses
My low-cut frye boots
My Chrome backpack
My American Apparel black zip up hoodie
The grey or maybe blue BDG jeans
My lap top
My digital camera and my holga
My most recent journal
A few really soft tshirts
So I'm cleaning my room. (shared with Asher)
We have a lot of space and a lot of shit.
Apparently, half (or more) of the stuff we own just sits around. I'm trying hard to get rid of "things" that no longer serve their purposes. If I had to pack up my car right now, there's not much I really would take with me. Just stuff. Nothing really special. Just things. I don't know why it's so hard to let go of the "stuff" that's just sitting around. I'm sitting with this. It's strange. Every time I go to the book shelf, (at least tonight), I've been pulling off books that I don't want. But in reality, most of those books are just part of how I identify with the outside world. When I have friends over, I want them to see that I'm into Photography, Queers, Women, Art, Poetry, Yoga. I really don't need most of my books to survive. Maybe 5 of them are super special. But the rest are just so that when you come to my house, you can see the depth of my "coolness." Just writing this makes me want to get rid of most of my things. Maybe I will.. just maybe.
I'm free to wear dresses with boots & hairy legs, every day if i want to.
I'm free to do yoga.
I'm free to let my tattoos show.
I'm free to make my morning coffee, read a book, and enjoy my mornings.
I'm free to take a long bike ride during the day.
I'm free to cook a meal and savor it.
I'm free to live my own life.
those notes are from my journal today. i was sitting in the park enjoying being free from nanny-hood. i still want to babysit (for friends and on a part-time basis). but i'm so excited to enjoy my days!!! :) life is good.